So I’m on the treacherous drive home, amidst the cavalcade o’ vehicles that oft litter the Austin highway known as 360. My guilty pleasure Erasure is blaring, and I’m feeling a bit jazzed that’s it’s Friday. Methinks to meself, “Aye ’tis a jolly wee day for me to go do a little shopping.” I resolve a quick mirror check to make sure face is presentable.

In slow motion, my graceful index finger ever so gently brushes the paper-thin skin ‘neath my eye socket region. And by “ever so gently brushed” I mean launched my fist into my brainsocket.  This rapid, most swift movement catapulted into a violent series of events wherein my own worst fear came to fruition: there was a contact. lodged. behindmyfbombeye.

I wince with excruciating pain. Razorblades, strychnine?  Nothin’. With each blink, a sharp sting pierced, plunged, and plundered its needley way deeper into my eye.

[ This is Where I Daydream (Day...mare?) ]

Coming to terms with loss of vision and eventual brain damage, I picture my family visiting my sad hospital bed. My entire head, bound and bandaged.  Aaaaand for whatever reason, my arms rendered immobile.

[ End Daymare. ]

I cover my wounded ocular vessel, and one-eye it home. My tear-stained face no longer presentable, must now go mano a mano with the ol’ magnifying mirror.

The contact? She eventually showed herself, but not without consequence.  You better believe I’m not penetrating my eyeball again. At least not until Sunday.

Total spelling fail.

On the outside?
Calm.
Composed.
Demure.

I am Jackie O.
Totally Gwynnie P.

BUT (!)
On the inside?

If you can’t even turn ON the computer without the password within the training manual you fully intended to bring with you on The First Day but totally forgot to because you were so excited that you rushed out the door and due to sheepishness opted for black pants instead of the skirty illustrations of giddiness pictured in the post down under?

The above graphic pretty much describes the synapses firing.
What if they come in and I haven’t even turned on the computer yet?!

Thank the Lord The Mister answered the phone sleepily and relayed all mandatory info.

Post spontaneous combustion?  All was golden.

I think last night I may have gotten slightly overzealous with the newly purchased As Seen On TV PedEgg. Because today I feel like I just peeled my tootsies, dipped them in peroxide, and set them into a lake of fire to fry.

So I filed this little tidbit o’ info right in with the Plucking Your Eyebrows: The More You Know life lessons learned:

Stop before you think you’ve gone too far.
Because chances are?
You already have.